The Phantom Sidekick
By Will "Cherokee Slim" Lacey
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There's a tale I've heard lately around various campfires
About an odd ball cow poke and his elusive desires.
They say he was born some fifty years too late
And he's been having trouble accepting his fate.
From the dawn of his memory it's been his main goal
To play a B-Western movie side kick role.
Now that's pretty much impossible in this day and age
'Cause those fifty minute shoot 'em ups are no more the rage.
But that little bit of wisdom hasn't detoured his plan
For he keeps on trying over and over again.
As an infant he looked like Smiley Burnette,
And some say he even favors Dub Taylor yet.
And he squawks like Pat Buttram and rodeos like Slim Pickens,
And to emulate his heroes, he stays up past the chickens.
He has little Beaver down to an art.
You betchum, we ketchum! He sure knows the part.
Now since "B" Flickers are extinct like sabre tooth fishes
He's tried other ways to fulfill his wishes.
Like infiltrating the ranks of the French Foreign Legion
And the Royal Mounted Police in the great northwest Region.
But none of those outfits wanted a Pat Brady sort
And the Texas Rangers said not even as a last resort,
Even though his Fuzzy Knight pratfalls were better than Fuzzy's
And his Gabby Hayes beard was prize winnin' scuzzy.
Yes, no one's been hip to his Buddy Ebsen ways.
They tell him that's all part of the by-gone days.
And his girl friend is as puzzled as anybody
But you can't blame her? What girl wants to be called Kemo Sabe?
But the worst part of my story I'm just getting to.
My Trail Rider friends, he's after me and you.
If you've paid any kind of attention, he's been lurking in our shadows;
This suspicious looking varmint is none other'n Colorado!
Yeow, did you notice that get-up he had on the other week?
Was he trying to show off his Fuzzy St. John's physique?
And he's auditioned to play wash board in Texas Red's band,
And his next dastard move is probably already planned.
So watch out Cheyenne and Cowboy and Buck;
You might be his next victim with our kind of luck.
And Chippewa, pay attention and yes, Bandit and Slick,
Beware of Colorado Cannonball, the Phantom Sidekick.
By Will "Cherokee Slim" Lacey - July 30, 1993